I’m back from Nashville. Two weeks ago, I gave witness the life of my dear friend Jimmy Miller at his memorial service. Jimmy’s wife Sissy asked me to speak. Of course, I said yes. As you know I have been a speaker for years and it turned out to be the most important talk of my life.
Days prior I wondered, prayed, then wandered around parsing out the right words to capture his life. Then I stopped. What would Jimmy want me to say? Larger than life, big teddy bear of a guy, Jimmy would have wanted me to speak from my heart. That is exactly what I did.
Heart pounding with anticipation, grief, and sadness all bound together, I stepped up to the church lectern and took a deep breath. As I exhaled, I looked out to the several hundred in the audience with Jimmy’s extended family sitting in the first row. Deep in my bones I knew why I was there—to tell the story of our friendship, connecting my story others’ stories of the BIG-HEARTED man Jimmy.
At the elevated lectern (it must have been 5 or 6 steps up), I asked Jimmy’s friends and family “when did you meet Jimmy?” and gave them time to wonder. Then I looked to Jimmy’s mom and said, “Peggy met Jimmy the day he was born.” She nodded in agreement with a smile mixed with tears.
I went on to say, “and his sisters met Jimmy the day his parents brought him home.”
“Jimmy met his son Jackson the day he was born, and then his daughter Addy the day of her birth. Sissy met Jimmy several years ago. She gave a sense of peace and comfort that he needed as she became his wife. And then came his bonus son JC.” They all nodded in agreement.
“When did you meet Jimmy?” I asked again as I looked to the entire church.
Pausing for a moment, I spoke, “ I met Jimmy when I first moved to Nashville and into his neighborhood 9 years ago. I was lucky to be his neighbor. Jimmy was a single dad back then and I was starting a new life in Nashville pursuing my doctorate at Vanderbilt. We both needed a good friend and so did our kids.”
Jimmy had posted a note on social media saying something to the effect that he was a single dad and needed some new friends. A few days later, I saw him in the neighborhood and said, “hey you have kids, don’t you?”
He smiled back, replying yes, and introduced himself.
Serendipitously we met just before nearly a week of snow days. Some days I watched his kids, and other days he watched my daughter so we could both get our work done. We shared back and forth, never a romance, only good friends. Our kids grew up together.
It was not the grand gestures that made Jimmy such a good friend. It was the small things: the dinners with our kids, the simple birthday celebrations, the times when my daughter needed a father’s influence, the throw together holidays, the sharing of our troubles sitting on rocking chairs on Jimmy’s front porch. The list might be endless if we included all his friends.
I cheered Jimmy on as he found a new love in Sissy. Jimmy cheered me on as I wrote my book then he created a fantastic website to showcase my work
Jimmy reached out to everyone who needed a lift, or a word of encouragement, or shoulder to cry on. He reached out to those in his recovery group with whom he openly shared his life.
There was so much love around Jimmy. The doctor said that Jimmy had an extra BIG heart. It came as no surprise to ANYONE. Jimmy gave so fully to everyone he met.
The last time I saw Jimmy I was leaving Nashville to follow my new love to Annapolis. With a few tears in our eyes, he gave me one last BIG hug and said what he always said, “LOVE YA BIG.”
Yes, Jimmy loved BIG, and he loved full heartedly. What I learned from Jimmy is to do just that. LOVE BIG. Thank you, Jimmy, for giving your BIG LOVE to all of us. In your memory, may we pass that BIG love around.
Love BIG as Jimmy did,
Barbara
Connect with me at CaptainBarbaraBell.com, the website that Jimmy built, and let me know how you love BIG. Of course, check out my book, Flight Lessons: Navigating Through Life’s Turbulence and Learning to Fly High.
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