Ever had trouble disconnecting? Although I have been thinking about the topic of connection for quite a while, I have begun to turn to my attention to the topic of disconnection and the need we have to disconnect. As I write this, I am on an airplane with no Wi-Fi connection. No movies, no email, only Microsoft word and my computer. Personally, it feels good.
I’m headed back to Nashville, TN to give one to the most important talks of my lifetime— a memorial to my dear friend Jimmy Miller who recently and unexpectedly passed away. I’ll tell you more about him next week.
This time in the sky gives me opportunity to reflect and consider the value of each in turn: connection, disconnection, then reconnection. In our highly connected world, I find there is a problem with too much connection.
And I see it quite clearly among my students.
We must disc0nnect and take time to be without. Without our phones, without social media, without filling each minute with something or someone. Without calling our kids.
During my office hours when I meet with students one on one, I see the challenge. Many of my struggling students carry the burden of too much connection with home. They are beginning to launch their adult lives yet remain too connected to home. Some students physically leave home but some never really “leave home.” Recently as I was walking to class early one Monday morning, I overheard a freshman speaking to a parent at home. What is so important at 7:30 in the morning that a student must call home?
When students stay too connected to home it is as if a tether holds them back and keeps them from flying.
To parents out there, I gently remind you that college is their experience not ours. And to students, college is your opportunity to find your way towards independence and an adult life.
Let us all take time to disconnect and perhaps to help our children grow into their best selves by setting limits on our connections. Allow your students to stumble and grow through their challenges.
I am not advocating for never connecting with your children but allow them space to explore the adults they want to become. Let college be their experience.
If you feel your son or daughter needs help, each university has a counseling center – point them in that direction. Don’t jump in. Instead, help them advocate for themselves.
College is a time of tremendous personal growth if we as parents disconnect. As we learn to disconnect with our children by giving them time and space to explore, I promise you will not lose all connection. But through disconnection you will find a new way to reconnect – with an emerging, independent adult who is finding their way.
Connect, disconnect, reconnect.
My flight is about to land. May the reconnection begin.
Need help in finding a way to disconnect while still supporting your student? Drop me a line and let’s figure out a strategy that fits.
Fly high,
Barbara
